Last summer I found out that I was selected for a temporary
assignment in Bahrain. It was pretty
difficult to think about leaving my 18 month old for 99 days. I skyped daily. I woke up at 2 am everyday (3 am after DST in
the US) to make sure that I could see my little girl. I missed her like crazy, but we made it. Today, I doubt she remembers I was even
gone. So from my experience here are some pointers
for other moms who might have to travel to help with the guilt and make it a
bit easier to handle being without your child.
1.
Prepare
a.
Make lists
b.
Give yourself a timeline
c.
Introduce children to any new caregivers prior
to leaving
d.
Slowly transition to allow the caregiver who
will be with the child to take more responsibility under your direction
e.
Make some magic memories that you can hold onto
while you are away
2.
Keep in
touch. I used Vonage and skype. They worked pretty well but there are a variety of other programs
that function the same.
a.
Do some research
b.
Pick the program that will best suit your needs
c.
USE IT!
d.
Ask for pictures regularly, I asked for them daily. I didn’t get daily pictures but I got
pictures maybe 3-5 times a week. It was
nice seeing a snapshot of my daughter
daily.
3.
Find something that you enjoy and do it while
you are away to fill your spare time. I
rediscovered my love of pool (billiards).
There was a pub across the street and I’d go and play pool with a
coworker. I met some really nice people
and some I still keep in touch with.
This makes your time go much faster.
4.
Give yourself something other than going home to
look forward to. I found a quiz night at
a local pub that was fun for me. My
coworker and I would go and play, we met some other westerners and made friends
that we ended up doing other activities with. We did the quiz every Wed.
night. It gave me something to look
forward to in the middle of the week. We
even won a free dinner and quite a bit of vodka
J
5.
Temper your expectations. Your children will miss you. However,
your homecoming might not be exactly what you expect with your children,
your family, or your spouse. Keep in
mind depending on how long you’ve been away, much could have changed. Children can change so quickly. They quickly become accustomed to the rules
and parenting style of their caregivers.
You may find them doing things
they previously hadn’t, your relationship with them may change, and your
reception might not be as warm as you’d expect.
When I came home, despite the fact that I’d skyped daily, my daughter
was still hesitant to come to me. She
ran to me but then stopped and looked for reassurance before committing
fully. You have to understand that
things change quickly in a child’s life and a week, month, or year can change
so much.
6.
Don’t let your guilt prevent you from enjoying
yourself. As mom’s we find every opportunity
to feel guilty. Being away from your
child is a big deal and comes with a tremendous amount of guilt. It’s okay to feel this way, but it’s also okay to
pursue personal fulfillment in work or in travel without your
child/children. Before I went to Bahrain
I’d never spend a night away from my daughter.
I’d been her primary caregiver doing 95% of her care myself. Going from that to letting someone else do it
100% even if it is their other parent is hard.
It helped me to know that I’d set up a support system, there were contacts
for people I trusted to help with her care if her father needed a break. I had several contacts with Power of attorney
in the event my daughter needed medical care and her father was incapacitated or
couldn’t be found. I found that covering
every base I could ahead of time eased my guilt because I knew that even though
I wasn’t physically there I was still taking care of her and her needs from the
other side of the world.
Being away from your child is not easy, but you can make it
easier on yourself by doing some or all of the things I did.
